starting over.

it’s an interesting thing starting over, even the phrase has this dramatical feel to it. for me, it’s not so much a fresh start but a place in my journey where i feel the most in control. i can dictate for the most part what starting over looks like for me. i’m open to the unknown of course, but since i’ve alway been somewhat of a planner, it’s a way for me to really set the tone of what’s to come. this may sound a bit controlling for some reading this, but coming from a place where i felt absolutely no control, this is something that i feel is right for me. throughout this new chapter of my life, i’ve learned a lot about myself, and the one that stands out the most is that the only thing i ever needed to really heal was forgiving myself for doubting what God placed in me. i’ve questioned and doubted so much of my capabilities, and that alone has made me stagnant in almost every area of my life.

God has shown me that i have always had what was needed for me to succeed, and confidently pursue my hearts desires. my plant journey started from an extreme cry for help, daily suicidal thoughts, and just feeling like every breath was a waste of air. i overindulged in buying plants when i felt sad, and that happened a lot. although it wasn’t a bad coping mechanism, it was also becoming an overly obsessive way of healing. when i acknowledged this, i decided to really lean into my community and began really pursuing my rooted workshop. now, i’m at a place where less is more for me. simply nurturing the plants i now have, which is 11, has taught me to slow down and tackle tasks one at a time, and really take those little big steps.

jo 🌿